Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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