I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
