i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
