I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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