He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
