It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
