and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
