it wasn't lemon gatorade
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
