Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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