he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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