Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
