We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
