I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
