The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
