you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize