Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
