so that wasnt chicken after all
grandma shit on top of the toilet
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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