I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
