Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I didn't notice because vodka
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
