I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
