my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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