Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
