At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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