1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
