On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think my moral compass just broke
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
