it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize