I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
