plz talk dirty to me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
