we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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