also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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