At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
