there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
