Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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