All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
