I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
