I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The beer is more important than you right now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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