My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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