i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
