I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
