i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
