In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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