i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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