do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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