I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
