That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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