I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
