Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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