I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
