Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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