I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
