Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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