Will you blow on my dice?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
