What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
