I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
