so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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