i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
