I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
