you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
