I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
