your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
