My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
