I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
