Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
