gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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