Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
