The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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