this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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