On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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