Christians are straight up FREAKS
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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