My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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