im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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