You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
