Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
