can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize