Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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