i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
