The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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