Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize